1. I don’t wake up every day to impress you.
2. The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body
couldn't store all this personality.
3. God is really creative, I mean... just look at me.
4. When I drink alcohol... Everyone says I'm alcoholic.
But... When I drink Fanta.. No one says I'm fantastic.
5. Sometimes all you need is love. Lol, just kidding, you
need Money :-)
6. Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the
alarm woke me up.
7. I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me
Alone.
8. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life,
unless I buy something.
9. When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re
awesome you’re me.
10. I'm jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as
cool as theirs.
11. Can I take your picture? I love to collect pictures of
natural disasters.
12. The only reason god made cousins so that parents
can compare our marks.
13. When life gets tough, remember: You were the
strongest sperm.
14. I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its
always on silent.
15. The funniest thing in class is when the teacher
cracks a joke and no one laughs.
16. When your ex asks if you can still be friends right
after a break up, it's like having a kidnapper tell you to
keep in touch.
17. AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.
18. There's always that one person, who takes a few
minutes to get the joke.
19. We live in the era of smart phones and stupid
people.
20. ETC – End of Thinking Capacity.
21. I have 2-3 real friends, the rest are just people I
socialize with.
22. Marriage is a "workshop", Where husband 'works'
and wife 'shops'.
23. I need Six months of vacation, Twice a year.
24. Time is precious, waste it wisely.
25. Life is Short – Chat Fast!
26. Totally available! Please disturb me!
27. You can never buy Love....But still you have to pay
for it.
28. I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode.
29. Hey there whatsapp is using me.
30. Not always "Available" Try your Luck...
31. My "last seen at" was just to check your "last seen
at".
32. I'd rather have honest enemies than fake friends.
33. Scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status :D
34. I believe there should be a better way to start each
day... instead of waking up every morning.
35. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!...
He's dreaming too.
36. Sometimes you succeed... and other times you learn.
37. When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway
to meet it.
38. How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both
have an iPhone.
39. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build
up.
40. I love my job only when I'm on vacation
41. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
42. Phones are better than girlfriends, At least we can
switch off.
43. His story is History, My Story is Mystery.
44. Not all men are fools, Some stay bachelor.
45. Virginity is not dignity, It is just lack of opportunity.
46. Save water drink beer.
47. When everything comes your way.. Then you are on
the wrong way.
48. 80% of boys have girlfriends.. Rest 20% are having
brain.
49. People say, you can't live without love...I think
oxygen is more important.
50. I talk to myself because i like dealing with a better
class of people.
51. I am not virgin, My life fucks me everyday.
52. Warning! I know KARATE... And few other oriental
words.
53. I am so poor that I can't pay attention in class.
54. I love to walk in fog, Because nobody knows I am
smoking.
55. If you can't convince them, Confuse them.
56. When nothing goes right! Go left.
57. If you are gonna be two-faced, Honey at least make
one of them pretty!
58. I am always right, Once I thought that I am wrong,
But I was wrong.
59. I work for money, for loyalty hire a dog.
60. When I was born... Devil said, "Oh Shit...!
Competition".
61. I am not failed......My success is just postponed.
62. Some people are alive only, because it's illegal to
kill them.
63. Mistakes are proof that you are trying.
64. Be a good person, but don't try to prove.
65. Nothing in the world is more common than
unsuccessful people with talent.
66. Failure is the opportunity to begin again more
intelligently.
67. Whenever i think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette
to think.
68. I don't have dirty mind, I have Sexy imagination.
69. If you want to make your dreams come true, the first
thing you have to do is wake up.
70. Silent people have the loudest minds.
71. Born to express not to impress.
72. The road to success is always under construction.
73. I will win, not immediately but definitely.
74. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
75. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have
nothing to lose.
76. The longer the title the less important the job.
77. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
78. No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with
weapons.
79. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to
speak and remove all doubt.
80. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
81. The real reason women live longer than men because
they don’t have to live with women.
82. Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
83. I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!
84. We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot
control.
85. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that
I am right.
86. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
87. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study
hard and be evil.
88. Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call
or text to let you know we’re outside.
89. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
90. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is
willing to learn from them.
91. If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
92. Why do women always ask questions that have no
right answers?
93. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
94. I'm not changed it’s just I grew up and you should
try too.
95. I never insult people I only tell them what they are.
96. If you think I am BAD than you’re wrong, I'm the
worst.
97. The biggest slap to your enemies is your success.
98. I’m sorry my fault. I forgot you’re an Idiot.
99. I always arrive late at office but I make it by leaving
early.
100. I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own
FONT.
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