20 Great Facebook Statuses:

1. Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing
done.
2. The most tragic victims of irony are the trees cut
down to make copies of The Lorax.
3. Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
4. Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows
how to do everything and another that’s like “I
don’t know how to hold a pencil” ?
5. Taking 30 minutes to shower, because you like to
stand there, under the hot water, just thinking
about life.
6. …those nights where your brain is like, “f*ck you,
we’re not sleeping tonight.. tonight, we’re thinking
about random shit ALL NIGHT LONG”
7. 1. Where have you been all my life? 2. Go back to
there.
8. It’s not really drinking alone if the dog’s home.
9. The way Americans view the Kardashians is the
way the rest of the world views America.
10. The future belongs to the kids who climb up the
slide instead of using the steps.
11. Sadly, the days of people using proper English are
went.
12. Who decided that we should sit together in groups
while we chew food?
13. When ppl try to hurt my feelings
haha
I have none
14. I have a date tonight, with my bed. We’re totally
gonna sleep together.
15. I get ignored so much my name should be terms
and conditions.
16. Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I
wake up… In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years??
no one can be sure.
17. “I’m gonna comment on literally every single thing
you post on Facebook till the end of time” – Every
relative you have over 45 yrs old
18. It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands
with someone because they usually want to know
who you are and why you just grabbed them.
19. Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it,
but not necessary to show it off.
20. Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more
entertaining this way.