Funny Status, Short Funny Quotes Funny Status, New Funny Status 2015, Best Funny Status, Latest Funny Status, New Funny Quotes 2015, Latest Funny Quotes, Best Funny Quotes for Whatsapp & FB.

Girls use photoshop to look beautiful.. Boys use
photoshop to show their creativity.
Fact: Phone on silent mode- 10 Missed call... Turns
volume to loud- Nobody calls all day!!
Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs.
send him to KFC.
You can never buy Love....But still you have to pay for it
..
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.....
Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
If you are going to speak bad things about me on my
back, come to me. I'll tell you more.
Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like
button on my status?
I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away
from me!
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can
prove that you don't need it.
My biggest concern in life is actually how my online
friends can be informed of my death..!!
When I'm a Pedestrian I Hate cars.. When I'm Driving I
Hate Pedestrians...
Whoever says "Good Morning" on Monday's deserves to
get slapped :)
Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your
blood.
Life is Short - Chat Fast!
Who needs television when there is so much drama on
Facebook.
Everything funnier when your supposed to be quiet..
I want someone to look at me the way I look at
cupcakes!!
Save water drink beer.
Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software...it's called #
Monday, please fix it
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that
beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies:
"Use the ATM"
Always wear cute pajamas to bed you'll never know who
you will meet in your dreams.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use
three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down.
Yep that's how you wash a cup.
God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me :P
Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid
on fire.
When I'm on my death bed, I want my final words to be
"I left one million dollars in the...
I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.
My father always told me, 'Find a job you love and you'll
never have to work a day in your life.
Life is too short smile while you still have teeth...
My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
If College has taught us anything, it's texting without
looking :)
I'm Jealous Of My Parents... I'll Never Have A Kid As
Cool As Theirs!
Here my dad comes on whatsapp... From now on my
status would be '***no status***' or just a smiley...
Sometimes its better to bunk the class instead of
attending it Cause today wen I look back, my marks
never make me laugh but memories d...
Don't kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the
neighbors are not.
I Like to study.. Arithmetic - NO ... world history - NO ....
chemistry - NO .... GIRLS - YES!!!
Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship!! :P
People call me mike .. You can call me tonight.. :p
In Modern Politics, Even The Leader Of The Free World
Needs Help From The Sultan Of Facebookistan!!!
C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping :)
Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^)
Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to
laugh.
People who exercise live longer, but what's the point
when those extra years are spent at gym.
Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
It may look like I'm deep in thought, but 99% of the time
I'm just thinking about what food to eat later.
Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that
fact that you're going to die.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we
wonder why.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight
over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone
was drunk.
We are WTF generation .... WhatsApp, Twitter and
Facebook :D
Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a
blessing. LOL
It's been 70+ years, Tom. You're never going to eat Jerry
:)
I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me
Alone. :)
There's like 7 billion people in this world and no one
wants to date me. I hate this world ... huh
Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning
the lottery won't make a bad person.
I don't usually sleep enough, but when I do, it's still not
enough ;)
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has
ever mentioned it. lolz
The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight :)
I am not addicted to WHATS APP. I only use it when I
have time ....... lunch time, break time, bed time, this
time, that time, any time, all the time. :)
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown
male child who can not be handled by his parents
anymore.
The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is
"Salary is Credited" :)
Is there anything more awkward than when you are
singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops
loading.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling
complex issues, yet we take a while standing before
glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a
relationship.
Running away does not help you with your problems,
unless you are fat.
In bed, it's 6AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's
7:45. At school it's 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes,
it's 1:31
I wonder what happens when doctor's wife eats an apple
a day. :)
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep :)
Boys, if you don't look like calvin klein models, don't
expect us to look like victoria secrets angels. (From All
Bachelor Girls Association) :)
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life,
unless I buy something.
TODAY has been cencelled. Go back to BED :)
I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into
carbon dioxide. :)
Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to
go along with their multiple personalities.
At least mosquito's are attracted to me.
Laughing at your own texts before you send them
because you are so damn funny .
I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5
minutes of studying.
It is a sad fact that 20% of marriages in this country end
in divorce. But hey, the remaining end in death. You
could be one of the lucky ones.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if
God is playing angry birds with you?
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm
woke me up. :D
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your
neighbour's wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has
ever mentioned it. lol
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back,
nobody else wanted them either :)
I am not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have
time ... ... ... lunch time, break time, bed time, this time,
that time, any time, all the time. :)
Today's Relationships: You can touch each other but not
each others phones.
I am sure I have a defective iPhone, I keep pressing the
home button and I'm still at work.
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out,
gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn't
hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you
said.
The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day
from the time we were born, and only stops when we
take exam or are in love.
My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get
out of it in the morning.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong
turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions :)
I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice
:)
If time does not wait for you, don't worry. Just remove
the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
If school has taught us anything, it's texting without
looking :)
I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them
:)
All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of
chips.
Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.
Excuse me .... Plesae empty your pockets .... I think you
stole my heart.
Silence is the best answer of all questions and Smile is
the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately both
never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.